On Repeat: It is Finished

As Easter approaches, I'm trying to think about what actually happened almost 2000 years ago and its effect on my life.  Often times, I don't really reflect on the meaning of Easter, that Jesus willingly died on the cross, experienced separation from God because he took on my sins, and defeated death by rising on the third day, allowing a way for me to be in relationship with God.  I think as a society, we don't like to think about bad things happening to people.  When I reflect on the Cross, I have to admit my sinful nature, which is sometimes hard to do because of my pride.

One thing I love about my church, Summit Church, is that its primary focus is to understand and reflect on the Gospel.  I feel blessed that the church has Matt Papa lead our worship, which is amazing.  He wrote a song called "It is Finished" that captures the purpose and importance of Easter.  Here is the music video for the song.  It is graphic, but I think sometimes we need to be reminded of the horrific events Jesus went through for us to make us appreciate the Cross.

Excitement

I'm getting really, really excited about my small group bachelorette sleepover this weekend!!! It has been years since I've been to an actual sleepover.   I'm sure there will be many moments of embarrassment, laughter, and clean fun :)  I love these women so much.  Can't wait to see what they have in store.  I can only imagine. Haha.

via pinkpreppylillylover.blogspot.com

Stuck in the In-Between

Let me preface this by saying most of this post is an internal struggle of mine, trying to figure out where I fit in.  I'm very blessed with single and married girlfriends who don't judge me for being engaged and wedding-obsessed :)  Thanks for sticking by me during this socially awkward time for me.

Being engaged is an odd thing socially.  I'm between being single and married.  It can be weird hanging out with all single women, when all that's going on in my mind is stuff about the wedding.  I don't want to burden my friends with all of that.  I've heard horror stories of brides losing friends because all they do is talk about their wedding. I definitely do not want that to be me.  I constantly have to remind myself to stop being self-centered and ask how my girlfriends are doing.

There's not as much spontaneity in terms of hanging out with my girlfriends as there was when I wasn't engaged.  I have a ton of vendor meetings and am so exhausted from the busyness, traveling, and stress that I can't hang out with my friends as much.  Learning to say no for my mental and physical health has been extremely hard, sometimes leaving me a little lonely. 

I also feel slightly out of place when I hang out with mostly married people.  Although I learn a lot, I can't give anything in conversations because I don't have the personal experience of being married.  Brett doesn't live here so we can't do double dates often with married friends. 

Pretty much, I'm stuck in the in-between. Only 82 more days of that though.  Then I'll have a roomie for life :)

Normal

I am so ready for normal, whatever normal is in the coaching profession.  I'm glad that I only have to drive that drive to Greenville one more time before we get married.  Yay!

Anyway, I was able to meet the new NGU coaching staff this weekend at spring practice.  I am really going to like being a part of that family.  Everyone I met was so wonderful.  Brett is the only full-timer not married.  Many of the coaches have children so I'll be able to live vicariously through those kids until we have our own down the road.  I met La'Donte's wife Britney, who is expecting their first in a couple of months.  She was really sweet.

Bahhhh, so many exciting things to look forward to!

Too Much Grace?

Grace.  It's a topic that's been coming up a lot as I prepare for marriage.  Grace-giving is something that I know Brett has been blessed with.  Me on the other hand?  Definitely does not come as easily.  I think part of that is because I've been living by myself for 2.5 years.  I haven't had to think about anyone other than myself so it has most definitely made me more selfish.  When Brett comes into town, sometimes I get irritated because things aren't how they're "supposed" to be.  There's an empty water bottle on the counter and an air mattress and dirty clothes on the floor.  I can't find the remote.  The TV is mostly on ESPN. 

I get irritated. I whine. I get upset.  Brett shows me grace.  Part of me sees God's extension of grace to me through Brett continually giving me grace.  The other part makes me wonder if I'm getting away with sin.  My friend Debbie wrote a post in December about this topic that really stuck with me.  Her husband asked if she thought he extended too much grace to her.  Here's a bit from her post:

"...when he [her husband] doesn't call me out on it [being selfish] but instead lets me be, he in fact isn't helping me grow in maturity and holiness, but he's allowing me to continue in a pattern of sin that shouldn't remain."

Wow.  I haven't forgotten those words because I see that in my life.  Marriage is supposed to be sanctifying, making us more holy.  From what I hear, it exposes the worst of you (because you can't hide from your spouse), but it also is one of the most significant things that allows you to work out your faith. 

While Brett and I need to show each other grace in order to keep our marriage healthy, we also need to hold each other accountable to the man and woman God has created us to be.  It's a balancing act.  You can't have a Godly marriage with only grace because then you're allowing them to continue sinning, but you can't have one with only calling each other out either because that's not displaying God's grace and forgiveness.

Although Brett shows me grace most of the time, he isn't afraid to call me out on being self-centered when I've been on my high horse for too long. I am thankful to be marrying a man who will show me grace, but also isn't afraid to snap me out of it.  As we prepare for marriage, I pray that God will allow me to be more gracious and to not get defensive when Brett calls me out on my sin.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

March Madness

As most of you know, I love sports.  I feel very blessed to be marrying a man who works in sports.  It means I get free tickets and awesome seats :)  Even though you may think football would be Brett's favorite sport to watch, his favorite is by far basketball.  When he watches football, he analyzes.  With basketball, he can just be a fan.

Brett loves March Madness.  I'm not talking just fill-out-brackets love.  I'm talking following bracketology starting in early February and setting up his Xbox game's tournament to be the predicted match-ups.  Then he plays those games.  Because Brett knew his Heels would be playing in Greensboro for the first rounds of the tournament, he bought us tickets to go to the Round of 32 game, which ended up being against Creighton.  Neither of us have ever been to a NCAA tournament game in person so it was a something we could experience together.

We met Will and Laura in Greensboro.  Since we were a bit early, we went into the ACC Hall of Fame, where Will and Brett did some trivia.  When the gates to the arena opened, I felt like I was part of a herd of cattle the way the crowd moved.  So many people were waiting in line with us. We found our seats and waited an hour before the game started.  (As a side note, wearing a Carolina shirt is something I'm going to have to get used to since I have marital ties to UNC now).

I had been to one Carolina game this year, but it was nothing compared to this game.  Maybe part of it is because the game I saw was against Clemson, which wasn't all that exciting. During warm-ups, John Henson came out to a standing ovation (for those of you who don't know, this was the first game he had played in the tournament because of his wrist injury).  You could feel the excitement in the air.  The crowd at this game was ROCKIN'!  Wow it got really loud. 

Brett was like a little kid at Christmas during the game, getting all excited.  It was really neat to see him be able to enjoy this with his brother.  One of my favorite memories was when the Lehigh players came out at halftime.  The mostly UNC crowd stood up cheering, since Lehigh beat Dook, taking them out of the tournament in the first round (or I guess that's now considered the second round).  UNC fans were coming up to the Lehigh players getting pictures and asking for autographs.  Neat experience for those guys.

UNC ended up beating Creighton 87-73.  Unfortunately, Kendall Marshall fractured his wrist towards the end of the game.  Marshall broke the ACC all-time single season record for assists in the first round of the tournament.  He is an extremely valuable player and a real joy to watch.  I'm amazed at the things he sees and the passes he completes.  The last thing Brett texted me after we left was "Pray for Kendall's wrist."  We're hoping he heals fast!

Overall, it was a wonderful experience, one I hope we will be able to do again in the future.  Thanks for buying me a ticket Brett!!

Happy 31st Anniversary!!

My parents are celebrating their 31st anniversary today!!  They have been the best parents I could ask for.  I have seen how they have survived the tough times of being separated by distance during each of our moves (something Brett and I will most likely have to go through with his career).  I have seen how Dad provides for us despite his pain from all his surgeries, keeping us at the center of his thoughts.  I've seen how Mom has served Dad through the pain, how she is patient and nurturing.  I've seen how if you keep the Gospel at the center of your relationship, you can defy the world's idea of marriage.  Thank you Mom and Dad for your gift to me: your marriage for me to witness.  I love you two!

DIY: Crackle Paint Signs

I've been starting to gather ideas for reception decorations and found this divine little store with crackle paint signs: http://www.etsy.com/shop/thebackporchshoppe.

Here is one of the signs that I really liked.

via The Back Porch Shoppe 9 x 5 bride and groom chair signs

I thought to myself, "Hey I bet I could make something like this for less than $35."  I went to Michaels and bought the following things:

• Gold paint for the undercoat
• Ivory paint for the top layer
• Paint brushes
• 2 8x10 plaques
• Black ribbon

I also needed glue, black paint, sand paper, and a staple gun, but I already had those.  My total cost (including tax) came to $25.34.  Most of these supplies are pretty common place.  I had to buy paint brushes because I haven't done much painting before.  If you have painting supplies, some leftover ribbon, and can find a couple of pieces of scrapped wood, the only cost you'll incur for this project is the cost of your time!  How fantastic is that?

Here are the steps I took to create my chair signs.  Some of the steps won't have pictures, but I think they're pretty simple.

• Step 1 - Take the plaques (or wood) and sand so that the surface is mostly smooth.  Since I used a store-bought plaque, the surface was already smooth.

• Step 2 - Paint the plaque with the color you would like to show through the crackle.  Let the paint dry.

• Step 3 - Paint on the glue. Be sure to paint with the grain.  I made the mistake and didn't on one side and you can tell.  The more glue, the more crackle.  Try not to over-brush the glue, as this decreases the crackle as well.

• Step 4 - While the glue is still tacky, paint the top coat (the main color).  Like with the glue, paint with the grain and try not to over-brush.

• Step 5 - While the paint is drying, go on your computer, pick out a cute font (in the right size), and print out whatever words you want to put on your plaques (in my case "Bride" and "Groom").   In order to get the text on the wood, you could either buy transfer paper or shade the back of the paper with a pencil (I started shading just the font but then realized I could just shade the area).  In case you want something more fun than "Bride" and "Groom", here are some other ideas I think are cute:
• "I'm Her Mr." and "I'm His Mrs."
• "Hubby" and "Wifey"
• "Mr." and "Mrs."
• "Country Boy" and "City Girl"

• Step 6 - Place the paper on the dried plaque/wood shaded side down so that you are looking at the printed font.  Trace over the outline of the font with a pen.  Be sure to press firmly.  When you lift up the paper, you should see the font on your wood. (You can also see the crackling in the picture below!)

•  Step 7 - Paint the font with whatever color you desire.  Since I don't have a steady hand, one of my bridesmaids, Jess, painted them for me.  So glad she was able to help!

• Step 8 - Add the ribbon in whatever way you plan to attach the sign to your chair.  The chairs that we'll be using at the reception have posts, so we can wrap the ribbon around the post on each side.  For ease, I used a staple gun and put two staples on each side of the ribbon.  Here is the final product on my dining room chairs.

Overall, this project was super easy and relatively inexpensive if you are already a crafty person.  In the future, I would add more glue so that the paint would crackle more. I had a lot of fun with this DIY wedding project.  Definitely worth it.

Groomsman: Chris

In addition to my dad and Brett, Chris is one of the men who has shaped me into who I am today.  After all, he has known me almost as long as my parents have since he's my brother.  "Kiss," as I called him when I was little, is the best brother.

Like any sibling relationship, we have had moments when we hated each other.  For one of his birthdays in middle school, our parents bought him a punching bag so that he take some of his aggression out on it instead of me.  Being the adventurous person I am (ha), I climbed into the huge box (yes I know I was 10 at the time).  Chris proceeded to pick up the 50 pound punching bag and throw it on top of the box while I was in there.

Although I didn't appreciate it at the time, Chris has always been the type of brother who is extremely protective over his little sister.  He didn't let bullies pick on me.  In elementary school, he told a bully to take his bike instead of mine.  He never hesitated to tell me that I was in the wrong about liking certain guys.  I always knew in my head I wasn't supposed to like these guys, but I was too stubborn to listen to his opinion.  Good thing he likes Brett :)

Aside from my dad, Chris is the man I've been around the most in my life.  During the summertime, we would often play street hockey or tag until bedtime. We would have nerf wars inside the house and play games with Sasha.  He was my best friend during our moves to North Carolina (the first time), Ohio, Virginia, and back to North Carolina.  Just having him on the same bus next to me the first day at a new school gave me comfort and peace.  I could get through the uncomfortableness of being the new kid because I knew he was going through the same thing, and we were there to support each other.  In high school, I would endure Chris' scream-o music during our drives to school and around town.  I cried when he left for college.  He took me under his wing when I got to ECU, sharing his friends with me and eating meals with me until I got on my own two feet.  He was there for my graduation.  Chris was the first person I actually talked to after getting engaged.

I admire my brother's wisdom and value his opinion just like I do Dad's and Brett's opinions.  He has taught me more about marriage and relying on God to get through the tough times within the past year than anyone else.  I am proud of who he is in Christ.  I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about him and how much he means to me.  Despite everything we've been through growing up, I can honestly say I couldn't ask for a better brother.  He will always be one of the most important men in my life.  I love you brother!!

A Very Important Friend: Kim

In case you're wondering, my bridesmaids aren't the only ladies who will be contributing to Brett's and my wedding.  Brett said it best when he said that his ushers mean as much to him as his groomsmen; he just couldn't have 13 groomsmen.  The same is true with me and our Scripture reader Kim.

Like with Paige, Kim and I have an unusual beginning to our friendship (sorry Kim, I have to share this story again).  I knew of Kim in 2001.  Our first interaction was in 2003.  I was on the high school yearbook staff and was writing a spread about the cheerleading team.  Kim was a teacher and the head cheerleading coach. Oh my goodness, I was terrified of our interview.  I had never talked to her before and wasn't sure what to expect.  Needless to say, with my shaky voice, I got the quotes I needed and ended the interview pretty quickly.

Fast forward to January 2010.  I decided it was time for me to get involved with a Summit small group.  I had been back in town for six months and was really feeling a void from not having consistent ladies fellowship.  I walked into small group and gasp... the first person I saw was Miss Collins!!!  I leaned over to the leader and asked if that was really Miss Collins.  She said, "Well you can call her Kim now."

I quickly learned that Kim is not at all like the teacher I was scared of in high school.  When I get around church people, it's easy to slip into saying religious words like sanctification and acting pious.  Kim's not like that.  She is blunt, real, and doesn't pretend to be someone she's not.  There's no act when it comes to her.  It's like a breath of fresh air.  She makes all new-comers to the group feel welcome and comfortable because she brings us back to who we really are: sinners who have been given grace.  Plus, she is easily one of the most sarcastic and funny girls I've ever met.  Seriously, she and Paige are dangerous if they sit together in small group.

Being that she taught English, Kim shows me things in the Bible that I didn't know or realize.  Not only does she correct our grammar and pronunciation of words (sorry for all my grammar mistakes in this post), she points out the significance of word choices in verses.  It's something that I really enjoy.  Kim also does some of the most fantastic first lessons.  She'll give us background of the book of the Bible we're about ready to study along with a brief geography lesson.  I request she does the first lesson of each new study because I feel like I have such a greater understanding of the book because I've learned about the characters, purpose, and audience.

I'm glad that Kim gets to be a part of our day by reading a passage that is important to Brett and me.  So thankful for you Miss Collins!! :)

Bridesmaids: Recap

I hadn't planned on writing this post but I just have to say, I have been and am so blessed by the seven women that will be standing by me when I marry Brett.  I have so enjoyed going through my pictures and memories of each lady.  It made me realize and appreciate how and when each bridesmaid came into my life.  God's hand is all over each meeting. Each friendship has a unique purpose and impact on my life, and that makes me smile.

Here are some more pictures that I just have to share.  

Congratulations to My Wedding Family!

Each year, the WeddingWire (a one-stop shop for reviews on all wedding vendors) hands out the Bride's Choice Awards, which recognizes the "best local wedding vendors from the WeddingWire Network who demonstrate quality and service excellence within the wedding industry...The 2012 award recipients represent the top five percent of WeddingWire's vendor community, which consists of over 200,000 wedding professionals throughout the US and Canada."

I am not surprised at all to find most of my vendors on this list.  I am so thankful for the wedding family I have so far.   Congratulations to the following "family members" for this winning this wonderful award:

• Lauren Mann Photography, LLC
• Orangerie Events
• Brides & Bouquets
• Cinda's Creative Cakes
• Just Sew Bridal Alterations
• McSound Productions

Bridesmaid: Paige

This post would be called "An Unlikely Friendship" if I didn't follow the template I used for the other bridesmaids.  I saved Paige for last on purpose.  I knew this post would take the most energy to write because I would have to dig into suppressed memories. Paige and I had a complicated friendship.  I say had because we have a normal friendship now.  What made our friendship complicated was how it started.  Look at the picture at the right. Paige was wearing that the first time I was around her (pictures via Paige).  Yes ladies and gents, that's an Elon jersey.

Now if you know me, you know what emotions seeing that jersey brings up in me: anger, regret, disbelief, sadness. The list can go on.  You see, I played against Paige in the game-to-go (to Regionals) my senior year in college.  My team, the Black Pearl, was up 12-7.  It was my last college sectionals game, and we just needed 1 point to advance.  That's it.  Then Elon scored. And scored again. And again. By the time I needed to call a time-out, the cap was on, meaning I couldn't.  We couldn't regroup. The wind picked up. Being a young team, we struggled. I didn't sub people out like I should have (I was the co-captain).  We were on universe point.  My last college game ever, and we just needed to get 1 point in order for my college season not to end.  To no avail, Elon scored, going on a 6-0 run to advance to Regionals.  Paige was on the team that left such a bitter taste in my mouth. It pains me to write this.  I wish I could have done things differently. 

I NEVER, in a million years, would have thought that one of my bridesmaids would be one of the people from that Elon team.  Guess God has different plans for us sometimes.  Paige came to small group.  Being the nosy person I am, I stalked her on Facebook to learn a little more about her.  I wanted to figure out what she would add to the group.  At the time, I didn't realize she was on that Elon team (I tried to block out everything from that game).  I saw a title on a FB album about sectionals at Elon.  Low and behold, this was the description of the album:

oh right. remember that time when we came back from 12-7 to win on a universe point? ...

I kid you not, my mouth dropped.  Was I really going to have to be nice to a girl who I played against in a game where there were fights breaking out?  Was God really expecting me to share my struggles with this girl?  No way was He asking me to do that.  It hit too close to home, too close to bitterness I wasn't ready to let go of.  I felt shame, remembering how I acted during that game, and wondering if she would question my sincerity at small group.  My actions during that game in no way reflected that I was a Christian.

When I told Paige about my finding, she had a nice kick out of it.  I had to relive that game again, but then we moved on.  Yes I still have some bitterness (obviously if you read any of the words above), but I don't hold it against her.  I think it's more of a funny story now that I tell it.  

Boy, am I glad God brought Paige into my life when He did.  There were things that happened (things that didn't include Brett at all) that made me question marriage.  Paigey quickly became the main person to whom I voiced my fears during my dating relationship with Brett.  She was there for me through the whole process, reminding me of what the Bible says about marriage, listening to me saying the same fears over and over while encouraging me at the same time to believe in the truth of God's Word.  Honestly, she is one of the reasons I was able to regain trust in God's design for marriage after the events that happened.  I am so thankful for her patience with me and the Godly encouragement she gave me.


Paige is recently married and has been a completely open book when it comes to questions about the joys and difficulties of marriage.  She is real with me.  She probably one of the most upfront, not-going-to-sugar-coat-it friends I have.  Everyone needs a Paige in their life.  I cannot explain how much she means to me and how she has positively affected my and Brett's future marriage.  I am so thankful for you Paigey. Love you. Mean it.