Why I Prayed for Morning Sickness

So I said earlier that I would write a little more about my miraculous non-issue with morning sickness.  I mean miraculous in the truest sense of the word: a miracle from God.  As you may have read or know, I get the side effects of most medicines, and my body never reacts "normally" to changes.  I assumed that I would have terrible bouts of morning sickness. It was a given to me.

I wasn't feeling how I thought you were supposed to feel in your first trimester.  No morning sickness, just bloating.  I got paranoid.  Why wasn't I feeling pregnant?  I started searching the forums to see what other women were thinking.  BAD idea.  It seemed like women who were feeling a lack of symptoms said they eventually had a miscarriage.  Or maybe those were the only ones I was keying in on.  That notion, in combination with us knowing quite a few people who have gone through the loss of a child, just made me more worried.  (NOTE FOR FIRST TIME MOMS-TO-BE: stay away from community forums. If you have a question, go to a medical professional, not a woman who is riding on the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy.)

I've often heard that morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy.  Almost like the more miserable you feel, the healthier the pregnancy.  Ironic, huh?  So, I started praying for morning sickness. I prayed that God would allow me to have morning sickness so I would have assurance that Tot was still growing and developing.  That I would KNOW that I was pregnant, not just rely on believing and trusting that I was.

God said no.

It's a no that I was mad about at the time, but one that I am thankful for now.  My thankfulness is hardly about not being glued to the toilet.  It is so much more. I have a hard time with trust and belief.  My logical, analytical brain likes to see (or in this case feel) evidence.  Even after our first appointment where we could see our little 6 week, 5 day Tot, I had no "real" evidence that I could feel the the first trimester to affirm that Tot was still there. 

God forced me to trust that He had everything under control.  That even if we had a miscarriage, He was sovereign over our little one's life and has a plan that I can't understand (Isaiah 55:9).  Once I came to that realization, trusting came easier.  The worry started to subside.  There were definitely still moments when felt paralyzed by doubt, but it didn't consume my every thought. 

I started the process of handing our little Tot over to the God who has numbered all the hairs on Tot's head (Matthew 10:30) and has all of Tot's days written in His book before one of them will ever be (Psalm 139:16).  It's an on-going process, and one that will probably continue Tot's whole life, but it is one that is shaping me into more of who God wants me to be.  It's a journey that I will struggle through, but I know it will be worth it.