Confessions of a Football Coach's Girlfriend

I'm selfish and needy sometimes.  I know.  Shocker to those of you who know me :)  Well it seems to have escalated now that it's football season.  Brett started his season two weeks ago, which means we won't get to see or talk to each other as much.  He's been having to work at least 12 hours a day and his blood is probably caffeine from all the coffee, soda, and 5-hour energy drinks.  Thankful I wasn't called to a job like that.  I like my sleep too much.

Anyway, the past couple of days, I've been craving affirmation from him since we don't get to talk as much.  Last night, after I complained to Brett that I needed more affirmation, I hung up the phone and felt terrible.  Here I was complaining about him not paying enough attention to me, even though he texts me when he can and we talk every night for a couple of minutes.  I know that he is doing what God has called him to do.  He is ministering to the young men that he coaches about work ethic, responsibility, and being a good student and teammate.  He's showing them the love God has for each of them through his actions and caring about not just how they do in football, but how they do in life.  And I'm complaining.  Talk about a wake up call. 

Then I thought, "Well why am I craving affirmation from him so badly?"   I don't like asking myself uncomfortable questions where I have to admit a weakness or a sin, but I know if I don't confront these issues, they'll keep me in bondage.  So I thought.  It didn't take long to realize I put Brett in a position that he was never meant to be in.  I was looking to him for my ultimate affirmation and to fill that need. 

I should be resting in the fact that through Christ, I am a daughter of the King and deeply loved.  God loved me so much that He sent His only Son to die the death I deserve so that I could have eternal life in heaven with Him (John 3:16).  I know it's the most quoted verse in the Bible, but think about it right quick.  I don't know of any parent who would choose to send their only son to die a horrible death for a person who wanted nothing to do with them.  Jesus was beaten so badly before being crucified that he didn't look human (Isaiah 52:13-14).  And why?  So that we, who have sinful hearts that keep us separated from God, can be united with Him. 

Being aware of this and what the Gospel means should make me feel whole and so deeply loved, not the number of times Brett tells me he loves me (that will never be sufficient enough).  I know it is probably something that all couples struggle with: putting the other in the place of God.  I am thankful that God made me aware of this sin, and at the same time, showed me His deep love for me.  Now the task of living in this love day after day.....